With Apologies To Gilbert and Sullivan

September 19th is International Talk Like A Pirate Day.  Garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

 

 

 

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW:

I am the very model of a modern movie buccaneer,

When playing Captain Jack, it’s like a Rolling Stone has snuck in here,

Although the script has major holes that you could drive a truck through, dear,

I know the slightly druggy stance will still advance my film career.

I’m very well acquainted, too, with characters satanical,

The whole gamut, from A to Z, from putz to puritanical,

But here I am, again, alongside extras wearing manacles

To save us all, once more, from foes impressively tyrannical

ALL:
To save us all, once more, from foes impressively tyrannical!

CAPTAIN JACK:

I’m very good at slightly otherworldly folk, like Scissorhands;

My Michael Jackson made a breeze of Willy Wonka’s businessman:

I won Winona over then tattooed her on my arm, just here

I am the very model of a modern movie buccaneer.

ALL:

He won Winona over then tattooed her on his arm, just here,

He is the very model of a modern movie buccaneer!

CAPTAIN JACK:

I know our filmic history,  my Bogarts and Oliviers;

I’ve dazzled many critics with my acting sensibilité,

I’ve never won an Oscar, but I hope you won’t think bad of me,

I’ve played on an Oasis song, so balls to the Academy!

I play iconic loners with astounding versatility

My Ed Wood was a tour de force in black and white (and lingerie),

Let he who doubts my principles, or questions my ability,

Be beaten back, confounded by my impeturbability.

ALL:

Be beaten back, confounded by his impeturbability!

CAPTAIN JACK:

I had to cut the N A from “Winona”, leaving “Wino” there

Wino Forever’s not so nice, but – what the devil? – c’est la guerre

It hasn’t stopped me going out with models and celebrities:

The latest one to catch my heart is that Vanessa Paradis.

ALL:

It hasn’t stopped him going out with models and celebrities:

The latest one to catch his heart is that Vanessa Paradis!

CAPTAIN JACK:

Yes, I am the very model of a modern movie buccaneer

In Pirates of the Caribbean Four I pushed my luck, I fear:

I briefly contemplated making Captain Jack a Muskateer,

Like Gerard Depardieu, but with a kind of Friar Tuck veneer.

But I understand that playing Keith is what will make the public cheer,

And send my earnings soaring higher, way above the stratosphere

So Keith it is, once more unto the breach we go, once more, my dear:

I am the very model of a modern movie buccaneer.

ALL:

He is the very model of a modern movie buccaneer!

For another fab Pirate-related link, follow this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=fqMu6e5Dgtg

About captainlimey

Captain Limey is the alter ego of a mild mannered idiot. He can also be found on Twitter, either as @CaptainLimey or in his new guise as a purveyor of Gangland Mummy Porn in @50ShadesOfKray. Despite a magnificent costume, specially created for him by his mother, he has no super powers, unless you count the ability of his skin to eat through metal, given enough time. This has led to the buggeration of several watches of his acquaintance but has not thus far proved harmful to other lifeforms. The Captain hopes you will enjoy his blogged musings and forgive the occasional rant against the world at large, and idiot dictators in particular. They really get his gander up.
This entry was posted in Poetry, Whimsy and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to With Apologies To Gilbert and Sullivan

  1. Now I have THIS stuck in my head! I didn’t know you were such a Gilbert and Sullivan fan. Simply brilliant. “Imperturbability” is the best rhyme ever!

  2. Necessitude says:

    Oh wow! This is so very, very clever. 10/10 and go to the top of the class Mr Limey. Oh wait, you’re already there.
    You really are the model of a modern Captain-General.
    Personally I preferred ‘Claire’, ‘Alone again, (naturally)’ and who could forget Pan’s People dancing to ‘Get Down’. But modifying one of his lesser-known works is fine by me.
    Brilliant stuff.

  3. captainlimey says:

    Thanks both! Or rather…Garrrrrrrrrr! I be thankin’ ‘ee, me proud hearties! You be bringin’ me as much cheer as a barrel o’ grog on St Vitus’ Day. Harrrrrr!

  4. captainlimey says:

    Reblogged this on Kind of Lime and commented:

    It’s International Talk Like A Pirate Day, so I felt a reblog of this might be in order.

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