The Sad, Short Illness and Tragic Demise of Englebert Grocis, Gentleman

Englebert Grocis

Had multiple noses

Which grew on the end of his chin,

And the doctor arose

With the sad diagnosis

That Englebert’s tonsils grew in.


“Oh what can we do?”

Asked his wife, in a stew,

And the doctor, in lowered tones, said

That all he could do

Was to treat him for ‘flu:

Prescribe aspirin and send him to bed.


So Englebert Grocis,

Upon this prognosis,

Retired to his bedroom and slept,

But his sweat was ferocious,

His bladder atrocious,

And, by morning, his knees were inept.


The panicking doctor

Sent out for the Proctor

Of Englebert’s famous old school,

Who advised they adopt

A defence of the oxter

And keep his pituitary cool.


Thus Englebert Grocis,

Displaying moroseness,

Was stored in a fridge overnight

In the hope that the bonus

Of frost in great doses

Would keep him away from the light.


Upon his unpacking,

They found he was lacking

The usual number of arms

Whilst the unusual stacking

Of glands on his back,

In all truth, seemed to indicate harm.


So Englebert’s doctor,

His wife and the Proctor,

With choices diminishing fast,

Decided to opt for

A last-chance apocryphal

Cure, lest their patient should pass.


“Despite his revulsion,

A can of emulsion,

If smeared on his body in floods,

Might bring on convulsions

To speed the propulsion

Of pathogens out of his blood.”


So Englebert Grocis

(Now gripped by psychosis)

Was sprayed – head to toesies – in black,

But for all his neuroses

His post-mortem shows us

He died of a bad art attack.


About captainlimey

Captain Limey is the alter ego of a mild mannered idiot. He can also be found on Twitter, either as @CaptainLimey or in his new guise as a purveyor of Gangland Mummy Porn in @50ShadesOfKray. Despite a magnificent costume, specially created for him by his mother, he has no super powers, unless you count the ability of his skin to eat through metal, given enough time. This has led to the buggeration of several watches of his acquaintance but has not thus far proved harmful to other lifeforms. The Captain hopes you will enjoy his blogged musings and forgive the occasional rant against the world at large, and idiot dictators in particular. They really get his gander up.
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