The Model of a Modern US President


I am the very model of a modern US President,

Like some old farts once said, I hold this thing to be self-evident,

I know a lot of words, in fact my mind is a distillery

Of facts I gleaned from Wikileaks concerning Crooked Hillary.


I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,

I’ve never paid a cent in tax because I’m bigly tactical,

I wrote the book on wealth, no shit, I’m pretty much the Lexicon,

I’ll make this country great again and charge it to the Mexicans.


He’ll make this country great again and charge it to the Mexicans!


My education knows no bounds, I owned a university:

It showed poor, starving salesmen how to win, despite adversity,

For thirty grand I showed them how to build a great portfolio

You know it’s true, I’m not the type to deal in braggadocio.


My properties range far and wide, from Scotland through to Istanbul

From Turnberry to big hotels with great big fancy swimming pools

The name of Trump’s emblazoned on the front of every edifice

I don’t exactly own them, I’m, like, more a friend with benefits


He don’t exactly own them, he’s, like, more a friend with benefits!


I’ve so much wealth I cannot count, I’m part of a plutocracy;

A billionaire for decades now, a credit to democracy,

My fingers in so many pies, from radio to NBC,

From steak to ‘The Apprentice’ and from there to beauty pageantry.


I’m something of a ladies’ man, my record is formidable,

The greatness deep inside me seems to make most women biddable,

Some say it’s just my bank account, but they’re just being cynical,

You might as well accept it, boys, The Donald’s at his pinnacle.


In matters of the heart, it’s true, I’m something of a prodigy,

The girls, they see this Alpha Male and line up for my progeny,

I’m known for grabbing second base, some see it as misogyny,

I’ve such respect for women I need offer no apology.


He’s such respect for women he need offer no apology!


My military instincts lean towards the interventionist,

I’ve learned a lot from Russian Vlad, and, trust me, he’s no terrorist,

He wants to bomb some Muslims in some shit-hole deep in Syria,

So what? Who cares? Those idiots are totally inferior.


In politics my loyalties rest, like any great Republican,

Upon the right to take up arms to make this country great again,

If I can get my small hands on the launch codes of our weaponry,

I’ll send a few reminders up the asses of our enemies.


So people of America, you aided my ascendancy

You huddled masses voted and ensured my campaign victory,

I am the new incumbent, in the White House I’ll be resident,

I am the very model of a modern US President.


Yes, he is the very model of a modern US President!


About captainlimey

Captain Limey is the alter ego of a mild mannered idiot. He can also be found on Twitter, either as @CaptainLimey or in his new guise as a purveyor of Gangland Mummy Porn in @50ShadesOfKray. Despite a magnificent costume, specially created for him by his mother, he has no super powers, unless you count the ability of his skin to eat through metal, given enough time. This has led to the buggeration of several watches of his acquaintance but has not thus far proved harmful to other lifeforms. The Captain hopes you will enjoy his blogged musings and forgive the occasional rant against the world at large, and idiot dictators in particular. They really get his gander up.
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6 Responses to The Model of a Modern US President

  1. Excellent, my friend! The prodigy/progeny/misogyny rhyme was breathtaking.

  2. Christine Heiser says:

    I’m just sorry it had to be updated. You don’t know how sorry.

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