Putting Donald To The Test

President Trump has, in his own words, accumulated lots of data and he has an astonishingly high IQ. I thought it only fair that we should be allowed to disseminate more widely the pearls of wisdom that no doubt shimmer in his every insight. His education was, self-admittedly, stellar, so I have taken the liberty of peeking at his answers to an exam on American History. 

exam-question(a) For a start I wasn’t president, which is a HUGE historical factor. If I had been president that graph would have looked bigly different because we would have had TOUGHER VETTING and a BIG WALL. It would have been the biggest wall ever with all the best bricks and the people would have thanked me for making them safe. I would have had the best ratings. The best! They’d have built statues of me in all the best cities too. Sorry if that makes the rest of you losers feel insecure, but it’s true.

(b) Lots of illegals poured in from “places” like Mexico and started taking jobs from decent Americans. Many of these illegals were bad dudes. BAD!

(c) Some of the Mexican bad dudes had children who were also bad dudes but as time went by some of the bad dudes wormed their way into the courts and became so-called judges who started making very bad calls on things they had no business poking their illegal noses in. This cost decent American patriots as much as $25 million in certain cases if you are to believe the failing New York Times, which you shouldn’t because it is staffed by liars and crooked pollsters. Sad!

exam-2

(a) Because of tree-hugging snowflakes like John Muir, staff  in National Parks think it’s okay to tweet lies about so-called climate change and how it’s affecting the “poor little fishies” when they should be out counting my inauguration attendance more accurately.

(b) More wriggle room, right? Pipelines and so on.

(c) Oil fields. Lots of oil fields. We didn’t have fracking then, right? Now if I had been president between 1890 and 1945 we’d have had more fracking as well as more oil fields because some of my best friends are oil barons and frackers. Right frackers, not leftie liberal crybabies who consistently misrepresent me in the failing media. Roosevelt would have been with me on that one, trust me. He would have loved Donald J. Trump.

exam-3

(a) “Former” president John Adams. Says it all. The guy was a loser. And Rush is a Canadian band so they have NOTHING to say about any American war.

(b) Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman getting to be a doctor. That was revolutionary. Would have happened sooner if I had been president. Adams held her back. Loser!

(c) You spelled “singer” wrong. Rush was a singer of the Declaration of Independence. Probably their worst track. Terrible drumming. See my earlier answer, we have NOTHING to learn from Canadians. I’m tired now. Can Steve do the rest of the questions?

About captainlimey

Captain Limey is the alter ego of a mild mannered idiot. He can also be found on Twitter, either as @CaptainLimey or in his new guise as a purveyor of Gangland Mummy Porn in @50ShadesOfKray. Despite a magnificent costume, specially created for him by his mother, he has no super powers, unless you count the ability of his skin to eat through metal, given enough time. This has led to the buggeration of several watches of his acquaintance but has not thus far proved harmful to other lifeforms. The Captain hopes you will enjoy his blogged musings and forgive the occasional rant against the world at large, and idiot dictators in particular. They really get his gander up.
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