Watching Donald Trump bluster and wave charts around in his interview with Jonathan Swan, I couldn’t help but feel that, at any moment, the latter would zone out in a Randy Rainbow style musical reverie. But which song? There can be only one…

“The problem is all inside your head”, he said to me
“The answer is easy, do it Presidentially,
I’d like to help you in your struggle how to see
There must be fifty ways to fake the death toll”

He said, “It’s really not my habit to speak truth
Furthermore, I hope the facts will all be lost or misconstrued,
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being crude:
There must be fifty ways to fake the death toll.
Fifty ways to fake the death toll.”

“You just leave out the facts, Jack,
Talk a new plan, Stan,
You don’t have to be right, Dwight,
Just lie through your teeth.
Sharpie the chart, Art.
You don’t need be that smart,
Just fudge a few stats, Matt,
And lie through your teeth.

Ooh leave out the facts, Jack,
Talk a new plan, Stan,
You don’t have to be right, Dwight,
Just listen to me!
Sharpie the chart, Art,
You don’t need be that smart,
Just fudge a few stats, Matt,
And lie through your teeth.”

He said, “It grieves me so to see you don’t believe,
I wish there was something I could do, to once again deceive.”
I said, “I appreciate that, and would you please reprise
About the fifty ways?”

He said, “Why don’t we both just tweet on it tonight,
And I believe in the morning you’ll begin to see the light.”
And then he dissed me, and I realised he probably was right
There must be fifty ways to fake the death toll

Fifty ways to fake the death toll.

REPEAT CHORUS