A Short Script for Populist Leaders and Their Supporters

Populist leaders: We are going to do X because X will do Y!

Supporters: Yay! We love you for promising to do X and making us Y again!

Populist leaders: Our plan for X is a great plan and it’s not our fault that bad thing C is forecast to happen. There are those in the media who want us to fail and are trying to pin bad thing C on us if it happens.

Supporters: The media hate you! Keep on doing X so we can get the Y we deserve! We are not worried about bad thing C, it is just Project Fear!

Populist leaders: We have done Z. It is a great plan, and totally oven-ready. It was never our intention to do X. X was FAKE NEWS invented by enemies of those of us who wanted Y!

Supporters: Shame on the enemies of Y who lied about doing X when Z was clearly the way to go! Lock them up! LOCK THEM UP! By the way, did you know it was thing A that caused bad thing C, and thing A is a conspiracy by the enemies of Y? It must be true because Q said so.

Populist leaders: It is incorrect to say that Z has not made Y happen. Y is happening. Figures for Y have never been so high. Stories that Y is not happening are FAKE NEWS put out there by people who hate it that we’re so great at doing Y! If only those people weren’t doing thing A, for which we have absolute proof that we will definitely provide at some point in the future, trust us! These liars are TRAITORS who should have horrible thing D happen to them! If you don’t believe us, listen to Q who has been saying it for years!

Supporters: BOOOOOOO! Death to the traitors who say Y is not happening and are doing thing A which is making bad thing C happen! Horrible thing D should happen to them. I know! Let’s do what Q says and form an unruly mob and make horrible thing D happen! How about tomorrow at big event N? I hear there’ll be speeches and we can bring our own weapons, as is our constitutional right.

Populist leaders: Thanks for turning up, folks. Who reckons it’s about time the enemies of Y got taught a lesson they’ll never forget? Here’s an idea: why don’t you all march on big event N and carry out your constitutional duty? We’ll be right behind you, we just have a couple of things to do first, but we’ll be right along shortly. Allons-y, mes enfants!

Supporters: Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go-oh!

[Horrible thing D happens at big event N]

Populist leaders: We never said anyone should ACTUALLY DO horrible thing D. It was clearly a metaphor. Our great supporters are merely enthusiasts who let their high spirits and righteous anger about the lies of the traitors who say Y isn’t happening get the better of them. Getting all cross about a bit of misguided horseplay by people who listen to Q (did we get that name right, because frankly we’ve never heard of him?) is ridiculous! We appeal to our enemies on the other side of the aisle to stop this disunifying behaviour now!

Supporters: Yeah! Stop calling us D-Doers! We are patriots! And we’ll D-Do anyone who says otherwise!

Populist leaders: In any event, we never did Z in the first place. Why does everyone keep saying we did Z?

Supporters: Yeah! They never did Z. Z was never an option. Stop talking about Z! That film of them saying they were going to do Z is a deep fake put about by the same people who support thing A and built that giant space laser thing M you hear so much about these days.

Populist leaders: Speaking of giant space laser thing M: new plan, people, listen up…

Supporters: Ooh! Exciting!

About captainlimey

Captain Limey is the alter ego of a mild mannered idiot. He can also be found on Twitter, either as @CaptainLimey or in his new guise as a purveyor of Gangland Mummy Porn in @50ShadesOfKray. Despite a magnificent costume, specially created for him by his mother, he has no super powers, unless you count the ability of his skin to eat through metal, given enough time. This has led to the buggeration of several watches of his acquaintance but has not thus far proved harmful to other lifeforms. The Captain hopes you will enjoy his blogged musings and forgive the occasional rant against the world at large, and idiot dictators in particular. They really get his gander up.
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