The continuing absence of Michael Gove is raising eyebrows. It’s the biggest mystery since Cotton Eyed Joe‘s origin and destination. I decided to investigate. In verse, obvs.

When into view he did not hove

The whereabouts of Michael Gove

Became a complete mystery:

Was Michael G now history?

No sight, no sound, no press, no briefings,

That’s not the way he tends to leave things.

We watched for days, without a sign:

Had Govey withered on the Vine?

His lack of visibility

Was there (or not) for all to see –

For someone of such Tory salience

T’was rare to go without surveillance.

As time went on the rumours grew,

Of who’d done what to whom – who knew?

Had Cummings had him taken out

And buried ‘neath some roundabout?

Or was the answer much more simple:

He’d taken vows and donned a wimple?

Dear gentle reader, as I write,

The minister’s still out of sight,

Perhaps he’s plotting sweet revenge,

Or making plans to steal Stonehenge,

Or maybe he’s just out there prancing

And set to be on “Strictly Dancing”?