Author Archives: captainlimey

About captainlimey

Captain Limey is the alter ego of a mild mannered idiot. He can also be found on Twitter, either as @CaptainLimey or in his new guise as a purveyor of Gangland Mummy Porn in @50ShadesOfKray. Despite a magnificent costume, specially created for him by his mother, he has no super powers, unless you count the ability of his skin to eat through metal, given enough time. This has led to the buggeration of several watches of his acquaintance but has not thus far proved harmful to other lifeforms. The Captain hopes you will enjoy his blogged musings and forgive the occasional rant against the world at large, and idiot dictators in particular. They really get his gander up.

50 Ways To Fake The Death Toll

Watching Donald Trump bluster and wave charts around in his interview with Jonathan Swan, I couldn’t help but feel that, at any moment, the latter would zone out in a Randy Rainbow style musical reverie. But which song? There can … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

A Tale of Two Moralities

President Trump is putting non-medically-trained “experts” in charge of the COVID 19 problem. What could possibly go wrong? ♦♦♦ Night was a clammy blanket over the jungles of Nambia. In the poorly-constructed corrugated tin hut that passed for the medical … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Wokeness: Elitism, Compassion or What?

‘Wokeness is elitism masquerading as compassion’   ********** Laurence Fox’s foray into Question Time’s chicken run, and the subsequent fallout, has certainly set the cat of disdain among the pigeons of wokeness. Wokeness, it seems, is a problematic condition, because … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Have I Got News For You

Originally posted on Kind of Lime:
The current spell of cold weather seems to have put the media into an all-round tizzy. This morning I watched Good Morning Britain to see how they would report it. What follows is, I’d…

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Back to the Eighties

I set myself the task of writing a song that evoked that most tasteful* of popular music decades, the Eighties. Here’s the result. I’d be interested to see which influences you spot.   Why Don’t You Need Me? Your e-mail … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Elton Don

The President made quite the splash this week in Helsinki. With all due apologies to Elton John and Bernie Taupin, here’s my starry-eyed tribute to the POTUS. YOUR SONG (To Vlad, with love, always, Donnie xxxxx) It’s a little bit … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

The Long and Grinding Road

News broke yesterday that caused much weeping and gnashing of teeth among Salisbury residents. From Salisbury Journal online: In an idle moment of whimsy I tweeted, in a reply to Salisbury Journal’s Rebecca Hudson, a parody chorus based on “Goodbye, … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Return of the Japanese Knotweed

Every now and then an apparently harmless Twitter exchange can act as inspiration for the strangest of ideas. Genesis once wrote a song about a Giant Hogweed and, as you can see, @janh1 commented that it was somewhat weird subject … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

‘Tails of the New Fronteer’ by Nigel Molesworth

With my customary apologies to Geoffrey Willans and Ronald Searle Welcome back gentle reeder. The last time we spoke you may recall st. custards was on the virge of a SINISTER hostel takeover by Americans becos of a deel struck … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Dead President Sketch

Following Donald Trump’s glowing and, frankly, somewhat unlikely medical report, I began to wonder if there isn’t a more straightforward explanation for the President’s weird behaviour. With apologies to the Monty Python team.   A voter enters the White House. … Continue reading

Posted in Parody, Uncategorized, Whimsy | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment