Author Archives: captainlimey

About captainlimey

Captain Limey is the alter ego of a mild mannered idiot. He can also be found on Twitter, either as @CaptainLimey or in his new guise as a purveyor of Gangland Mummy Porn in @50ShadesOfKray. Despite a magnificent costume, specially created for him by his mother, he has no super powers, unless you count the ability of his skin to eat through metal, given enough time. This has led to the buggeration of several watches of his acquaintance but has not thus far proved harmful to other lifeforms. The Captain hopes you will enjoy his blogged musings and forgive the occasional rant against the world at large, and idiot dictators in particular. They really get his gander up.

Braking News from St Custards

Posted on August 3, 2021 by captainlimey

With my customary apologies to Geoffrey Willans and Ronald Searle. You may or may not recall that the last time I wrote, St Custards was under the control of a feirce dicktator from the US of A and skool life was … Continue reading →

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The Night Before Freedom

Posted on July 19, 2021 by captainlimey

Twas the night before Freedom Day, all through the House Not a Tory was maithered, not a one having doubts. The sanctions were left far behind without care, In hopes that Immunity soon would be there. The MPs were nestled … Continue reading →

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The Battle Hymn of the Republicans

Posted on June 22, 2021 by captainlimey

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the LordHe is carted round the fairways like some ochrous golfing gourd;He hath loosed a drive like lightning, for a hole-in-one reward*:His Lie is marching on. (Chorus)Glory glory, allez-Q-ya!Glory, glory, allez-Q-ya!Glory, … Continue reading →

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The Curious Case of the Gove in the Daytime

Posted on April 15, 2021 by captainlimey

The continuing absence of Michael Gove is raising eyebrows. It’s the biggest mystery since Cotton Eyed Joe‘s origin and destination. I decided to investigate. In verse, obvs. When into view he did not hove The whereabouts of Michael Gove Became … Continue reading →

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A Short Script for Populist Leaders and Their Supporters

Posted on February 9, 2021 by captainlimey

Populist leaders: We are going to do X because X will do Y! Supporters: Yay! We love you for promising to do X and making us Y again! Populist leaders: Our plan for X is a great plan and it’s … Continue reading →

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50 Ways To Fake The Death Toll

Posted on August 4, 2020 by captainlimey

Watching Donald Trump bluster and wave charts around in his interview with Jonathan Swan, I couldn’t help but feel that, at any moment, the latter would zone out in a Randy Rainbow style musical reverie. But which song? There can … Continue reading →

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A Tale of Two Moralities

Posted on March 2, 2020 by captainlimey

President Trump is putting non-medically-trained “experts” in charge of the COVID 19 problem. What could possibly go wrong? ♦♦♦ Night was a clammy blanket over the jungles of Nambia. In the poorly-constructed corrugated tin hut that passed for the medical … Continue reading →

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Wokeness: Elitism, Compassion or What?

Posted on January 20, 2020 by captainlimey

‘Wokeness is elitism masquerading as compassion’   ********** Laurence Fox’s foray into Question Time’s chicken run, and the subsequent fallout, has certainly set the cat of disdain among the pigeons of wokeness. Wokeness, it seems, is a problematic condition, because … Continue reading →

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Have I Got News For You

Posted on January 31, 2019 by captainlimey

Originally posted on Kind of Lime:
The current spell of cold weather seems to have put the media into an all-round tizzy. This morning I watched Good Morning Britain to see how they would report it. What follows is, I’d…

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Back to the Eighties

Posted on August 1, 2018 by captainlimey

I set myself the task of writing a song that evoked that most tasteful* of popular music decades, the Eighties. Here’s the result. I’d be interested to see which influences you spot.   Why Don’t You Need Me? Your e-mail … Continue reading →

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